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I don't see myself as one of those clingy moms. I never have. When my oldest, Cody, was growing up I gave him the freedom to do all the things he wanted to do. He went to friend's houses, they came to ours. He played sports here and there, became a game console enthusiast, but he always did his part around the house and never gave me any reason not to trust him. He was a good kid. Still is. I've come to realize however, things are different with girls. With my girl, anyway. Amber, who will be fourteen at the end of October, is amazing. She's a lot like Cody. She doesn't act out, she doesn't get in trouble, and she's a great kid. The biggest difference in raising her and raising him is the world around us. Cody, who's now twenty-three, grew up in the same small town Amber is. When he was her age though, things around here weren't crazy. Now, just like everywhere else in the world, you hear stories. People feel they are being stalked at the department stores, or someone broke into someone's house to steal medications. It's all getting to be too much. Amber hears these same stories. They are passed around school worse than the flu, which if we're being honest is like the modern plague in today's schools lol. When she hears these things, she gets nervous. I have a very aware teenager. She knows people get snatched up. She knows people get robbed. This puts her on the defensive most of the time. I live on the defensive. I still don't allow her to just walk away and prowl a store alone. Yes, I may be overprotective, but my baby girl is beautiful and could easily find herself on some weirdo's radar. Not gonna happen. Still, I have to let her do things from time to time. She spends the night with her friends. She goes to the festivals, and does all the things. This past weekend, she took a big step. So, did I. Amber went to the beach with a friend of the family and her daughter.
Nervous, anxious, scared, those are the first words that pop into mind to describe how I was feeling when she left. The other? Guilty. My fear almost made me say no to the spur of the moment trip. Well, there was more to why I almost said no, if we're being honest. Yes, I was scared something may happen. What if my friend didn't watch her close enough? What if she got hurt? What if, what if, what if? It was all I could think about. Add in the fact my business doesn't allow me to take vacations and you can see why my heart broke at the idea of her first time seeing the ocean would be without me. This is why I've been an emotional wreck since Saturday. The thing is, my little girl got it. She was nervous about going without us. Several times she told me she didn't want to intrude on someone else's vacation. She's such a sweet kid. She also understood that mom felt bad. Mom felt bad about not being the one to share in this experience with her. Just like mom still feels bad that Cody has never experienced these types of things. Being in seasonal work, more importantly contract work. you can't just up and take a week off. Our bustiest times are when everyone else is enjoying vacation. You have to be available constantly. Money isn't the issue. It's time. Which in turn makes mom feel really terrible about it all.
Amber tried her best to make all this less heartbreaking. She tried to keep me included. The minute she saw the ocean, she called me. On her trip, she has text me and sent me pictures of everything. She went on a ghost tour of Charleston and was immediately telling me everything they saw when she was back in the car. I know she understands how I feel, but she's still able to have a good time. More than once since she's been away, she has made mention of us all going there as a family some day so the rest of us can see it. It's heartwarming to know your kid misses you while she's away and wishes you were sharing in the exp
erience. Luckily, for me, this was just a four day trip. If it were longer, I'd be beside myself. I'm slammed at work so my days are covered. Of the evening, I'm pacing the floor. I'm so used to her being here so we can talk about the movie It, her favorite, or something creepy she found on YouTube. I guess you can say I'm a bit lost. When she goes on her school trip at the end of the year and is gone seven days, I will go insane lol.
Anyway, sorry for the off topic blog. I just wanted to share a bit about the other side of things. Mom life is part of me and right now it's an emotional roller coaster. I'm still writing though. No worries there. I did try to blurb last night and failed miserably. I'm hoping it has something to do with my state of mind right now lol. If not, I'm screwed. The attempts I made were horrible. Those cannot be allowed in the book world. Nope, no way!!
I'll stop rambling now lol. Thanks for stopping by and I hope all of you have a great fall season. You'll be seeing a few more of these from me throughout October, my favorite month. Up next, we may talk a few movies or something!! Yeah!! Take care.
Lots of Love, Rena
